alone (Hale/Nat)

[reagan]

Salinas beach in winter has a different sort of beauty than in the summer. In the warm weather, the sky is blue, the light sparkles off of the white foam that flecks the top of the waves. The ground is covered in happy families, young lovers, and old friends, each taking a different kind of joy in the day and companionship. In the winter, the sky is grey and overcast, and the breeze is chilly and unforgiving. The sand, which a few months ago was marred by countless footprints, sandcastles, and the imprints of lazy bodies sprawled across it, is blown into clean and sterile drifts. The water looks almost menacing, the waves dark and foreboding under the cloudy sky.

The boardwalk looks deserted, the shops and food stands boarded up for the winter. Blown sand traces intricate patterns across the boards, undisturbed by footsteps, but even this natural beauty is banal and uninteresting.

Regan likes the beach in winter. Most people don't bother to stop by, so she knows its a place where she can go to be alone. Even though the day is cloudy, she wears large sunglasses that make her face look slightly alien, almost insectoid. She wore tight jeans and a long-sleeved turtleneck, with a cardigan pulled over to protect against the cold. She carried her usual large purse, filled with whatever useful things she thought she might need or want.

Regan made her way over to the picnic tables, normally occupied by noisy families and irritating children, but today blissfully empty. She sat down, impassively watching the waves crash against the shore. She opened her purse and shuffled around in it, eventually pulling out a deck of cards and an small unlabeled bottle of amber liquid. She opened the bottle and took a swig, before shuffling the cards and dealing them out in front of her.

The Magician, inverted. The Six of Cups. The Three of Wands. Death. Temperance. The Five of Swords.

She smiled to herself. She didn't think that the random nature of the cards meant much of anything, but she enjoyed the complicated symbolism and interconnections, and she thought that the way you reacted to a particular arrangement of meanings would tell you a great deal about herself. Nevertheless, when she dealt for herself, she tended to get very similar results. The Magician normally represents newness, or perhaps a trickster. Of course, inverted he is the opposite: stillness, sameness, a lack of change. Inverted, The Magician was what Moss Landing was all about. The Six of Cups represented a strengthening and deepening of existing relationships. Regan thought of her parents, of the family business, of the sure knowledge she had that she would be another link on the generational chain of Barnes who had buried the town's dead. The Three of Wands was another unsurprising card. It represented the ability to be true to oneself, something Regan had never struggled with. Her problems were with everyone else, not with who she was. Death, of course, needs no explanation. Temperance represents compromise and balance, but also stillness, maintaining the status quo, and refraining from radical action. The only surprising card was the Five of Swords. It represents defeat, loss, the destruction of something important. Regan picked up the card and turned it about in her hands, the thick cardstock feeling pleasantly solid under her carefully manicured nails.

Her reverie was interrupted by the sound of someone approaching. She hurredly shuffled the cards, dealing them out face-down in front of her, and looked up to see who else would bother coming by the beach on a day like this.

[nathaniel jace lewis]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,10,true][atrb=style, background-color: #fff; width: 450px, bTable] YOU'RE NOT A DAY TOO SOON most people chose to steer clear of the beach during the winter months, the slightly chilly air and icy cold water deterring them away from the one place that was always sure to be bustling during the summer months. people from out of town always assumed that california was just in some constant state of summer but it, just like every other place, cooled down in the winter months. sure it was probably warmer here than states further north but they hit coat weather just like any other place. many people in moss landing still complained about the cold but nathaniel had always appreciated the weather. summer wasn't exactly his thing, never having enjoyed the hot weather. spring and fall were his favorites but with a winter as mild as the one they were currently having, there wasn't much difference in the temperatures. the sound of nathaniel's running shoes could be heard crunching along the gravel path leading away from the lighthouse near the beach, although the sound was completely lost to him due to the pounding music coming from his ipod. he wasn't even quite sure what the music was, just some workout playlist that he had downloaded from the internet to help keep him upbeat whenever he was at the gym or going for a run. his breaths were quick but even, a perk of his constant will to stay in shape. typically in the middle of winter he would have gone for a run on the treadmills at the gym, preferring to stay out of the sometimes harsh winds that came along with living on the coast, but he'd woken up that morning to an exceptionally beautiful day and decided to head outside instead. besides, there was only so much of the monotonous gym routine that he could take. the initial plan had been for nat to start his run at the lighthouse, take the three mile path that lead to the beach and stop there work his upper body a bit before taking the path back to the lighthouse where he had initially parked his car. nathaniel was nearing the beach, his breaths coming slightly more labored than before. it was only a few short moments before he broke the tree line and his feet hit sand. normally he would have gone a bit further, running along the firmer, slightly damp sand, but a figure sitting at the picnic tables caused him to stop in his tracks. this time of year it as very rare to see people on the beach and nat usually assumed that he would have the beach all to himself. the company caused a moment of hesitation in nathaniel until he realized who the person was. they had gone to school together for a few years before she had graduated. there was honestly a lot more about the girl that nathaniel knew, mostly due to the fact that sitting alone most of the time gave him plenty of time to people watch. he probably knew more about most people than he should just due to over observation. for instance, he'd picked up on the fact that regan was gay back when they were in high school. he'd always wanted to ask her about it, to seek advice from someone older and probably more knowledgeable than he was, but he'd never gotten up the courage. there were always too many people around and after she graduated nat had barely seen her around apart from a few brief passings in town. maybe this was the opportunity that nathaniel had always been looking for. taking in a deep breath, nat made his way over toward the picnic tables. about halfway there the girl suddenly looked up, leaving any chance nat had at changing his mind practically impossible at that point and so nat crossed the last bit of sand and stopped a few feet short of the table regan was sitting at. nathaniel scraped his foot in the sand before clearing his throat and looking up and the blonde haired girl. "um.. hi," he started, giving an awkward half wave. glancing down, nathaniel noticed the cards that were laid out on the table in front of regan. they didn't look much like regular playing cards. "what are those?" he asked, motioning to the cards. was that weird? being someone that wasn't used to starting conversations, nathaniel wasn't even sure that coming up to regan was acceptable. CODED BY LADY RAINICORN @ CAUTION 741 words wearing: [x] i hope this is okay :3 i think it got worse and worse the more i wrote.

[reagan]

Regan looked Nat over as he walked up to where she was sitting. She'd seen him around before, of course, and knew him by reputation more than by any actual interaction. He was captain of the Soccer team, and apparently had some real talent. He was also, generally speaking, pretty quiet and inoffensive. She wondered what on earth he thought he was doing coming to talk to her. Did he think they had anything in common? Still, the whiskey was warm in her stomach, and she liked the idea of having a bit of fun with him. After all, what's the harm? At least he'd have a nice story about that weirdo with the fortunetelling cards to take back to whatever simpering cheerleader she assumed he must be sleeping with.

She looked up, regarding him from behind the impassive façade of her sunglasses. She turned over one of the cards that she'd dealt mere moments ago. She glanced down at it. "The Lovers, Inverted" she said. The lovers represented loss of innocence, love, temptation, and doubt. Inverted, her mind was drawn to gay history: before modern terminology, homosexuals were referred to as "inverts". She thought it might be referencing her. Was he about to hit on her or something?

She flipped the next card. "The Nine of Cups." This one represented success, achieving a desire, and making love. Were the cards saying he had a thing for her? Regan shuddered inwardly at the thought. She glanced up at him, watching him watching her. He seemed bizarrely patient.

"Have a seat, and take a drink." She said, pushing the bottle across the table at him without further comment. She kept her eyes on the cards as she flipped over the next one. "The Nine of Swords" she said, turning over the next card. This card represented an entirely different connotation from its pair in Cups. It represented depression and cruelty, and a whole host of negative emotions and fears.

She turned over the next card. "The Page of Wands." She read. The card showed a young man holding a staff of wood that was a little taller than he was. He was holding it almost lovingly, as if it were a lover. The card represented ambition and adventure.

The last card: "The Moon." She smirked. This one represented fear and anxiety. Of course, Nat almost certainly didn't know any of the symbolism of the cards, and must be a little confused at this point. The spread as a whole indicated that he had a lot of fear and anxiety, the Nine of Swords and The Moon in the same set were a powerful combination. But, there was also a strong element of ambition, success, and, strangely, love.

Regan didn't really believe that Tarot could tell you about a person. After all, the cards were random. It was all in the interpretation. What he made of the meanings of these cards would tell her about who he was, and what she made about them told her what she thought of him. It wasn't exactly a pretty picture. She assumed that his skill and high place on the Soccer team went to his head, and that he assumed that any girl he met would be into him. Of course, she had no way to know for sure, since she hardly knew him at all, but Regan never let that stop her from making uncharitable assumptions about someone.

She looked over his completed spread, and then up at him. She let him sit in the silence for a moment, before finally offering an explanation. "They're Tarot cards. Superstitious fortunetelling nonsense, but I like it anyway." Her voice was habitually cold, but there was no particular malice in it. "This is your spread. Would you like to know what they mean?"

[nathaniel jace lewis]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,10,true][atrb=style, background-color: #fff; width: 450px, bTable] YOU'RE NOT A DAY TOO SOON as regan looked up at him, nathaniel couldn't help but start to regret his decision to come up to her. with the sunglasses blocking her eyes, it was hard for nat to really deduce what she thought of the intrusion. although if he remembered quickly from when she was in high school, she hadn't exactly been the most... warm person. then again, nat wasn't sure that he could completely blame her for it. he knew that her family took care of the local cemetery and he was sure that he might be the same as her if he had to deal with dead people all of the time. it had to be quite a depressing family business. what was even the point of this anyways? it wasn't like he was just going to, out of no where, ask her how she dealt with being gay and how she told her parents and everyone else and while she was at it maybe she could give him some pointers on it all. he'd never even told his best friend before, it wasn't like he was just going to come out to this girl he'd never even talked to before. maybe, just maybe though he could casually bring up something if the conversation unfolded and the opportunity arose. couldn't he get the information without actually admitting that he was into guys? as regan flipped over the first card, nat's mind registered what he thought the cards might be. he'd been right in the assumption that they weren't regular playing cards and they seemed to resemble the cards that fortune tellers always used in movies and on television. as she told him the name of the first card, nat automatically felt a bit skeptical. the lovers? inverted or not, he was sure that couldn't possibly have anything to do with him considering that he had never in his life done anything with anyone. he was more than likely the most inexperienced eighteen year old in town. regardless of his skepticism, nat listened earnestly, eyes darting back and forth from the cards to regan's face as she named each of them off. when she actually looked back up at him and told him to sit down and have a drink, nat instinctively obliged, sliding onto the wooden seat across from her. he glanced at the bottle for a moment before grimacing slightly to himself. he had never been much for alcohol. he'd tried it once or twice when his soccer teammates had convinced him to attend different victory parties, but he'd never really liked the taste of the bitter liquids. plus he had always been such a stickler over his health and knew that alcohol would have more negative than positive effects. he opened his mouth to politely decline the drink but regan had already began listing off the cards again so he merely closed it and went back to listening. none of the names really meant anything to nat so it was a bit of a relief when regan finally finished and offered to tell him what the cards meant. he forced a polite half-smile and nodded slightly. "oh um, yeah. that'd be great," he responded brightly. while he didn't completely believe in anything superstitious, he was sure that it would still be interesting to hear what regan had to say, whether or not any of them would actually ring true to who he was. then again, maybe by some crazy twist of fate they'd reveal something about himself that he didn't want regan knowing. maybe that was the good thing about all of this though. in the end if nat didn't like what regan had to say he could always just claim it was all superstitious bull shit and none of it was true. CODED BY LADY RAINICORN @ CAUTION 631 words wearing: [x] i know nothing about tarot cards so this is actually really interesting to me too! c:

[reagan]

Regan thought that she would enjoy having the opportunity to toy with a popular kid like this one. She didn't really bear him any ill will, but she sort of assumed that he would hold her (and any woman, really) in some sort of contempt. After all, he was some big hotshot, wasn't he? She took a drink from her bottle. "A bit of whiskey's good for the soul, don't you think?" She smiled, and pointed at the first card.

She starts with the last card that she put out. "This is The Moon. It's one of the Major Arcana, which basically doesn't mean anything except that they're very special. It normally represents fear and anxiety." She watches him closely, seeing how he reacts. "Next is the Page of Wands. He represents intelligence, a lover, or a messenger. Like someone who's supposed to tell you something." She thought for a moment. "The weird thing about the Page is that he usually represents a male lover. I'm surprised to see him in your set, like this." She wasn't really surprised. After all, which cards showed up only ever had to do with the random mechanisms of shuffling and dealing. It wasn't like she thought the universe was actually speaking through the cards or something. But that wasn't how Nat was taking it, it seemed. She watched closely, and thought that he looked like this whole thing was quite uncomfortable. "Do you want anotehr drink?" She asked, pushing the bottle at him again.

She points at the third card. "Here's the Nine of Swords. Another bad omen, it represents depression, anxiety, cruelty. I don't like this card much, something about the illustration just kinda creeps me out." She shrugs. Regan isn't usually the type to feel creeped out, after all she grew up in a graveyard and has been at every funeral the town's seen since her birth.

"This is the Nine of Cups. It represents sex, love, and success. In combination with the other one, it might mean that you're holding yourself back. Are you afraid of something?" She looked him in the eyes, watching to see how he reacted to this news.

"Finally, this is the Lovers. Ordinarily it represents loss of innocence. Because it's inverted, that is, upside down, it's a bit different, though. To be honest, it's not a position that I've done a whole lot of research on, but I always thought it represented homosexuality. You know, like gay people used to get called 'inverts'. Inverted lovers, invert love, homosexuality." She paused. His reaction here wasn't what she'd expected. He seemed almost embarrassed, like she'd stumbled upon something. Her mind raced. Maybe she'd had him all wrong after all. Maybe his discomfort with this card wasn't because he was afraid of losing his hetero cred, maybe it was because he was gay and was afraid that people might find out.

She took her glasses off, blinking a bit in the suddenly brighter light. Even an overcast day might seem blinding, like this. "Are you ok? Nat?" She asked, looking a bit concerned, her usual cold façade drifting away on the breeze.

[nathaniel jace lewis]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,10,true][atrb=style, background-color: #fff; width: 450px, bTable] YOU'RE NOT A DAY TOO SOON nathaniel watched intently as regan took a drink from the bottle of whiskey, internally grimacing at even the thought of swallowing the liquid, especially considering it wasn't diluted down with anything else. regan's question caught him a bit off guard and he opened his mouth once again to speak up and tell her that he didn't drink but it seemed like she was instantly onto the next thing, pointing out his card and beginning to talk about it, causing nat to once again clamp his mouth shut. it was probably for the best anyways. the last thing that nat wanted to do was somehow manage to insult regan by telling her that he didn't drink and thus lose his one chance to finally talk to the only other person he knew of in moss landing that was gay. that was the thing about small towns. gossip got around so much that people always tried to keep their business on the down low. sure nat had his suspicions about some people but it wasn't like he could just confront them and risk things getting around about him. he'd say one word and the next thing he knew it'd be plastered across the moss landing times the next day. "son of wealthy marina owner flaming homosexual." okay maybe that was stretching it a bit, but the news getting out would be hell for nat regardless because it would inevitably get back to his father, who was the one person that nat never wanted to find out. it caught nat slightly off guard how spot on the first card was about him. he'd expected a bunch of bogus descriptions that really didn't relate to him at all and yet the very first one was actually correct. fear and anxiety pretty much made up the core of his entire being. anxiety more so than fear but both of them still consuming a huge part of him. so one card was right, surely the rest of them couldn't all be as spot on. the next card left nathaniel feeling a bit more relieved. regan's description of it seemed so broad, like it could really mean anything at all. people told him things every day, everyone told everyone things on a daily basis. letting out a silent sigh of relief, nat waited patiently before regan began to speak again, seemingly still about the same card. the next words from her mouth caused the wind to be knocked straight out of nat's lungs. a male lover? that was a bit more specific, and while nat had never had a "lover" it was obviously meant to signify his sexuality. shifting uncomfortably, nat diverted his eyes to his hands, which were balled up in his lap. why had he even agreed to let regan read these stupid cards in the first place? what a terrible idea. as regan pushed the bottle at him once more, nat finally gave in. there was no way that he could sit through the rest of these cards without some sort of aid. he easily grasped the glass, which was cold from being outside in the chilly weather, and pressed the opening to his lips. taking a quick gulp of the golden liquid, nat let it sit in his mouth for only a moment before swallowing. the harsh liquid burnt the entire way down and caused nat to started sputtering almost instantly. between coughs he set the bottle back onto the wooden table, almost spilling it over in the process but thankfully avoiding even more disaster. alcohol had obviously not been the answer to his problems and nat internally cursed himself as he continued to cough. it was a minute or two before the coughs stopped completely and nat was merely left with a disgusting taste in his mouth. "sorry," he croaked out, his voice much raspier than before. the next card thankfully didn't effect nat as harshly as the ones before. depression, anxiety, and cruelty? that could apply to practically anyone. he nodded in agreement with regan's assessment that the card was creepy though, relieved when she decided to move onto the next card. her explanation to that one almost caused nat to laugh out loud at first. sex, love and success were three things that he certainly didn't have in his life. okay maybe success if anyone considered being captain of the soccer team to be successful but that was really about it considering that nat was about as virginal as they came. the question came as a surprise to the boy though. was he afraid of anything? sure, yeah, plenty of things, but who wasn't afraid of something? "um, yeah i guess. a few things," he responded weakly, not sure whether or not she wanted specifics or not. he'd rather leave it the way it was though. it wasn't like they had all night to go through his infinite list of fears. one card left. that was actually a relief to nat and he hoped that it would just be another one of those general cards that could apply to anyone. of course nat never did seem to get what he wanted and this was really no exception. the second the word homosexual came out of regan's mouth, a tinge of red began to light up the boy's cheeks. on his pale cheeks any sort of blush was easily detected and nat hated himself for the reaction but there was really no way to stop it. if he wasn't so royally mortified, regan's question might have caused nat to laugh right in her face. was he okay? certainly he wasn't okay. her deck of "magic" cards had just been spot on with every single detail and here he was practically waving a banner that screamed "i'm gay!" what was he supposed to say to that? "i, uh, it's just the, the cards..." he trailed off, barely making sense of his own words. taking a deep breath, nat let his eyes glance across the cards once more before looking up at regan. he'd missed her taking off her glasses and it came as quite the surprise when she no longer had them on. what was more of a surprise though was the look she was giving him. the cold demeanor from earlier seemed to be gone. "i just didn't expect the cards to be right," he finally explained. "except for that last one, of course. me, gay? couldn't be more wrong," he said, letting out his best faux laughter, which really only ended up making him sound more guilty. CODED BY LADY RAINICORN @ CAUTION 1097 words wearing: [x] (:

[reagan]

Regan looked at him skeptically, and shuffled up the cards. "They only have meaning that we put in them, of course, and I never said that I thought they meant you're gay." She pauses, shuffling the deck again, and hands them to him. "I thought they meant you were going to come on to me, to be honest." She spread the deck out face down in front of her, splaying the cards out across the table. "It's really just a silly game, anyway."

She put her sunglasses back on. Well, if he didn't want to say he was gay, he didn't have to, although his reaction to the card reading spoke a good deal louder than words. Not that Regan was in any place to criticize on that account. She remembered when she'd first realized she was gay. The first thing she'd thought was that she was pretty sure she liked girls, and the second was that she could never tell anyone ever. Fortunately, she'd gotten over the second bit, but she was still not about to just go blurting it out. It had progressed comfortably to "open secret" and she was satisfied with that.

Nat though, he was different. What did he have to be afraid of? Did he think that people were going to suddenly turn their backs on him if he said he was gay? Or maybe it was his family. Regan could sympathize with that, her own family was very important to her, and a bit old-fashioned (though that may have just been the business they were in. Funerary services hadn't changed much since the 1800s, anyway). They also didn't know about her sexuality, although some of them had almost certainly guessed by this point. It's not like she'd ever dated a boy, and at her age they were bound to wonder.

She gathered up the deck and handed it to Nat, and then picked up her bottle and took another swig. She looked at him, thoughtfully. "Don't put any stock into what the cards are or aren't. It's just random chance." Her voice was a little warmer. She still thought that he was lying to her, but she could understand why he might be doing so, and she wasn't about to hold it against him. She didn't expect him to trust her, after all, she wasn't exactly trusting him with her secrets either.

A seagull flew across the beach and landed on the edge of the boardwalk, looking at her quizzically. She made a sudden move at it, and it took off, calling out across the empty sands. Regan didn't really like birds, they reminded her too much of rats with wings. Still, that was such a typical response of hers, wasn't it? She was always driving people away with a threatening look, or a cold exterior. What was she so afraid of? Would it really be so bad if she had someone who she could really confide in? She looked back across the table, staring at Nat through the darkened world of her sunglasses. She supposed she could do worse.

She sighed. "What brings you out here, anyway? I expect you didn't come just to hear my particular brand of quackery, did you?"

[nathaniel jace lewis]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,10,true][atrb=style, background-color: #fff; width: 450px, bTable] YOU'RE NOT A DAY TOO SOON it wasn't even that nathaniel was particularly ashamed of being gay, he didn't think being gay was a bad thing in any way. he just wasn't particularly fond of the idea of people finding out about him. nat already had such a hard time fitting in due to the fact that he was overly shy and it ofren worried him that if he was out that the few friends he had might not want to be around him anymore. it was such an old fashioned thing for him to think, living in the time that he did, but after living with an extremely homophobic man his entire life, nat's views on things were incredibly warped. at the mention of nat coming onto regan, his cheeks lit up even more than they already were. it wasn't that regan wasn't pretty or anything, nat could certainly admit that, but she wasn't exactly the type of person he would hit on. then again, he'd never really hit on anyone in his life. he wasn't even sure that he rightly knew how to flirt with someone even if he wanted to. "oh uh, yeah, definitely just a silly game," he mumbled out, not even bothering to look back up at regan that time. at least she wasn't going to press the issue. nathaniel would rather have her thinking that he was going to hit on her than thinking he was gay though. as regan reassured him that the cards were only chance, he let out a short, relieved breath. maybe if regan didn't take much stock in the cards then she wouldn't think much of what his had said anyways and maybe she was right about it all anyways. nat had seen those bogus personality tests and things of that sort that just gave very vague answers that could really relate to anyone. like regan had said, she had thought the card had meant he was going to hit on her, not that he was gay. he really needed to stop worrying about it and let it go. nathaniel mulled over the question for a moment before answering. his run from the lighthouse seemed like ages ago at this point, and he could honestly barely even remember it. who knew that a bunch of silly cards could rattle him enough to forget about the reason that he had come to the beach in the first place. "i was just going for a run and then i saw you sitting here," he began, motioning at the table with one of his hands. "i thought i'd come say hello and introduce myself. i used to see you around school a lot before you graduated," he explained, finally feeling brave enough to actually look up at regan again. "i can leave if you wanted to be alone though," he offered finally, not even sure of what he hoped her answer would be. on one hand he wouldn't mind sitting and chatting more, so long as the conversation didn't venture back to his sexuality, but at the same time he was suddenly feeling as though he'd trespassed on regan's time and he was beginning to feel quite self conscious about it. if he had been sitting alone at the beach he wouldn't have wanted any intrusions and so he would completely understand if regan wanted him to go away. CODED BY LADY RAINICORN @ CAUTION 561 words wearing: [x] SO sorry for the wait!